Love (and a spastic colon) Is a Burning Thing

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Let's talk about burns. As I have said before - DO NOT WALK BAREFOOT ON THE STREET, PAVEMENT, POOL DECK OR ANYWHERE THE SUN SHINES during the summer months. Your feet will literally melt off and you will die. Maybe not die but you won't be able to wear shoes for a long time.

But there are other burns - va jay jay ones. We've talked about those. Nope these burns are the "No shit! Better get my hand out to measure one hand print is 1%" type of thing. And, I am going to need to metric butt ton of hands.

Saw two gnarly burns today. That being said, burn nurses are probably the toughest, most special nurses out there. Props to them.

The first burn was a dude who has a spastic colon?!? and woke up in the middle of night needing a bath. Ok, if you need a bath in the middle of the night due to spastic colon, you might need Depends and not a bath. Regardless, this genius decides he needs to wash the spasm away, starts the bath, cranking the temp to "maximum burn potential" and then falls back to sleep with his hand draped over the tub. Needs less to say, I will not be taking a bath for a very, very long time. Blisters, weeping stuff, sausage fingers, and pain to Nth degree, Just another simple joy washed away but working in the Trauma ER.

But the burn of the day award goes to the guy, cruising along in his golf cart style ATV. After an enjoyable day bee bopping around in the 108 degree temperatures, it is time to stable that bad boy. As this urban cowboy corrals his wild four wheel stallion in the garage, the wild beast catches FIRE! Stuck, the seat belt securely fastened, our hero struggles valiantly to free himself from his steed of steel. Will he succeed and not suffer burns over 18% of his body? Or will he not succeed and sustain burns over 18% of his body? Tune in next week for more exciting "Lessons from the Trauma ER."

Nah. Why wait? This dude frees himself from the burning vehicle, suffers burns over 18% of his body and in the interest of saving 2 classic cars (good choice, considering the cars) and his house, he pushes the burning ATV out of the garage. Right, Into. His. New. F. 350. Pick. Up. Truck. Which, predictably catches fire too.

Now with two burning vehicles, our hero notices his shirt is on fire. Whipping that off, the dude waits patiently for Fire to show up and extinguish the flames. Now, this isn't the story. It is just background to the greatest miracle of technology of our times. In this guy's shirt sat a Nokia cell phone. Not just any Nokia but a flip top. Rare these days. This powerhouse of technology, while mocked by Apple, Google and even the now defunct Blackberry, was severely burned. Suffering burns over 50% of its surface area, this little, can do phone was done for. Nothing could be done to save its melted cover. The  phone was looking like a hot dog left on the grill too long. Wrinkled. Burned. Disfigured. But the story gets better. Severely wounded, Burns over most of its surface area. With the chance to live less than 5%, this little go getter STARTS TO RING! Disfigured, this little champion is still working. And it continues to place and receive calls. No one is sure how that is possible.

Magic?

Voodoo?

Regardless,  I want one!